What Is Human Connection?

What does human connection actually mean?

Most people use the word connection loosely. They use it for a contact list, a follower count, a group chat, or a friendly conversation at a conference. Those things can lead to connection, but they are not the same thing.

Connection is what happens inside the other person. It is the moment someone thinks: that person actually paid attention to me. Two people can exchange a hundred messages and never get there. Two people can have one ten-minute conversation and get there completely.

• Being seen: the other person notices who you actually are, not the role you play.
• Being heard: what you said changed what they said next.
• Being understood: they can repeat your situation back to you better than you explained it.
• Being valued: they treat your time, your story, and your problems as worth their attention.

Why do humans need connection?

People are built to live around other people. We learn language from other people, we learn how to behave from other people, and most of the meaningful things in our lives — a marriage, a friendship, a career, a business — are built with somebody else involved. Isolation is uncomfortable because it is unnatural for us.

What creates meaningful connection?

1. Attention. Undivided attention is rare, and people notice immediately when they have it.
2. Curiosity. Real questions, asked because you want the answer.
3. Listening. Hearing what someone says instead of waiting to talk.
4. Honesty. Saying the true thing kindly, including when it is uncomfortable.
5. Follow-through. Doing what you said you would do, and coming back a second time.
6. Repetition. Connection deepens through repeated contact, not one great conversation.

Human connection vs. communication

Communication is the transfer of information. Connection is the relationship that forms between the people doing the transferring. You can communicate perfectly and connect with nobody — many efficient, well-run companies do exactly that.

• Communication asks: was the message received?
• Connection asks: did the person on the other end feel like a person?
• Communication can be automated. The relationship underneath it cannot be handed off.

Can human connection be practiced?

Much of it can. Asking better questions, listening longer, remembering details, following up, expressing appreciation, and staying present are behaviors. Behaviors improve with repetition, and they get worse without it.

Personality still matters. A quiet person and an outgoing person will connect in different ways. But the underlying behaviors are learnable for both.

Jim Morris's perspective on human connection

You will never be the greatest version of yourself, by yourself.

Related Connection Reps

• Ask one follow-up question you would normally skip.
• Put your phone out of sight for one full conversation today.
• Write down one detail about a person right after you talk to them.